3 Posts, 333 Views

Just checking our stat machine and it looks wonderful.  3 posts, 333 views.  As I began to look a little deeper in to the meaning behind these numbers, there was something poking at me.  No, it was vibrating me.  It was a text message from the crazy neighbor.  I opened the message that asked "Are you home?"  I replied, "Yes.  I am.  Are you?"

Five minutes went by and I began to investigate the beef and broccoli that was simmering downstairs.   It smelled done, but suddenly crazy neighbor's reply arrived on my phone.  "Step outside in the hall for a sec."  I muttered out loud, "I gotta hear this one," as I left the kitchen and headed for the front door.  There was some Marley playing from the television, though I couldn't tell you what was on.

There she was.  In all her frumpy glory, our eyes all four an intense red-on-the-outside (for varying reasons) look, and she began to tell me a "hilarious pet story."  I stood there already trying to process the big news stories of the day, Occupy LA's deadline, Herman Cain's lover coming forward and Conrad Murray.  The cat lover began, "So this woman was driving over in Torrance and she saw a dog.  The dog was running, as if it was in a real bad situation and this woman really wanted to rescue it before anything bad happened.  So she went to the gas station and told two people - an elderly couple, that she needed their help.  They got in, she told them to close the door so she could explain the situation, and when they listened she began driving.  Obviously this is not what the couple signed up for."  So I asked, "Did you just say she kidnapped them?"  She said, "Yes, she did.  But it was for a reason and they drove past the dog one more time before she dropped the couple off.  Apparently, she was pissed because they would not help her get the dog that was in trouble.  After she dropped them off she went home, with the dog.  And today I heard she is going around her neighborhood telling everyone about her capers.  She would do anything to help a dog in trouble.  This is a person who truly loves pets."

"Well," I asked, "wwwwhat was she trying to prove?  And, who is this woman?"  She looked tired and affected, but I had to know more about this story that was not making any sense so I asked, "Was this story on the news, or is this someone that you know?"

She went on to tell me that this woman is her mom's neighbor.  Knowing this fact just made me more confused.

I stared at my neighbor for a few seconds, shrugged my shoulder and told her I had no idea how to react.  Not only was I not shocked by any of the details of her story, but there were several jagged edges and missing details.  She told me, "This is a story about a person who really cares for pets.  I thought you would appreciate that."

"Oh, and I do appreciate warm animal stories, I'm just not so sure this is a story about being a pet lover or a kidnapping senior citizen in Torrance," I said.

Her glazed eye balls strengthened their stance, she looked at me in my eyeballs and made yet another crazy point.  "When she was driving, the couple waved and said "HOLA!" in unison.  She thought it was fine and hoped they would help her out of her problem."

Say what?

I went back inside to eat the beef and broccoli and try to figure out why this woman would text me to tell me a story that makes absolutely no sense.  It was also fun to ad lib, and re-tell the story with different endings, but the actual version, as printed here, proved stronger and ultimately more confusing than anything I came up with.

My First Edge Post: An Angry NBAer Exclusive

Well, some of you know me, and most of you do not.  And that is a good thing because before you know it we will be friends or make contact one way or another.  It's always been that way for me and as long as I'm hurling through space and time I figure it is never a bad idea to check out what is going on around me.

As a blogger and lover of NBA basketball, the latter portion of 2011 will be challenging.  It's my routine  to discuss all things basketball and I'm already a few weeks past.  Rather I WOULD be late if I had something to really write on the matter.  Ok, I'll try.  Here goes:  It's now November 22nd and I have no fucking clue who is on the L.A. Clippers' roster, most likely it's a product of these gigantic pussy-ass bitches not being able to come together on a compensation package or some such nonsense.  Owners and players don't see eye-to-eye on how to divide the loot.  Sorry, water from my eyes is splashing down on my keyboard and I am having trouble transcribing my thoughts.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact I have not watching an NHL game since 2004.  I just don't want this to be the case with the NBA, and it probably would was it not for the fact that fantasy basketball is the next best thing to a sexual fantasy.  Also, I haven't enjoyed hockey since Tiger Williams (the REAL Tiger) retired.

And if I didn't hate the Lakers enough, all the players are represented by Derek Fisher.  This must end.

Should the players give in to the evil owner's demands?  Hell fucking no, even the NHL players get 54%.  But I would like to note that from the fan's perspective, these fools are fighting for all the wrong reasons.  What they should be fighting over is a shorter season.  Make every game, then you got me on the front line rallying for you.  The problem extends through various levels of selfish, none of this, mind you, sends a message of appreciation for the fans who have funded this mess over the years.  82 games is a staggering amount, it's BASEBALL that has a significant statistical history, so stop Jason Kidding yourselves.  Speaking of, take the triple-double statistic.  While watching a performer go off the handle, in various different categories, is awesome to watch and propels a fantasy team into motion.  But in no way is the career-leader of such a feat in the same universe as a steroid-inflated home-run record.  Each night is a new night of magic in the NBA, and this far out-shadows a career tally.  No matter how awesome Jordan was, or Kobe is, they will never reach Kareem in all-time scoring.  Never.  My point is, the fans are alienated already, and squabbling over $millions$ (billions) of revenue without doing something that will ultimately change the landscape for the better FOR THE FAN is a dreadful act that leaves NBAers like me in dire straights.  There, I did it without even mentioning our economy or 2012.



Joseph M.

Remakes - Why Make Them?

I don't have another movie review to post or a soundtrack. And I don't want to share a preview with you that I thought did a good job with relaying the story without spoiling it. I am here to discuss why remakes they are popping up left and right and why this is starting to make me angry. Yes, angry. I don't normally allow negative emotions in when I am talking about my favorite past time, but recently I have noticed that a few filmmakers are remaking some classic movies from my youth. I don't get it. Will someone please explain it to me?

Is it really just to make money? If so, I understand that motivation. Who doesn't want to make money? Heck, I am writing about movies - the love of my life - in hope of making money at it someday. So, trust me, I get that. But what boggles my mind about some recent remakes is why they chose specific films to redo? The Footloose remake was just released and now....gulp... possibly The Breakfast Club may be in the works - yes, you read that right. Right now it is just a table read but rumors are flying it could be made. (Jason Reitman is heading the table read.)

I had someone recently say, "Why do they keep ruining my childhood?" when I mentioned the remakes. I totally understand her response, most of my generation does. Yes, I am referring to us 80's kids. We hold some of these movies dear to our hearts because they allowed us to escape the drudgery of our childhood. Maybe they weren't critics' favorite choice of that year but we LOVED THEM! And remaking them almost slaps us in the face with saying: Okay, you are grown up, move on and let's have today's kids have a chance at digging into their pockets.

However, people today, including the gadget-savvy youth, have DVDs, download capability and maybe some even still have VHS tapes - not to forget the thousand times The Breakfast Club has been on television. We have ALL seen the movie - know it by heart and have even showed our kids the movie. This one translates to today beautifully. So, why even think of remaking it? There is no need. I say, come up with an original idea for a story that represents the youth today about how kids never feel like they fit in or how hard it is to be a child in today's climate. Someone out there has a script about that, I promise!

There are thousands of screenwriters, I being one of them, who actually have ideas with new concepts for stories for the studios, but one of the toughest things in the world is to actually get someone to read your script. So, this is another reason why it irks me to see a remake being released.

Again, trust me, I know how hard it is to get your script read let alone sold. I have a script that is actually set in the 80's about a girl coming of age with her sexuality and has mixed in all the nuances of the 80's within the script. However, the story is told as a flashback through a diary so the current teenager reading the diary learns that every girl goes through the same thing. I have tried for the past year and half to get it read. I have submitted to contests, knocked on every door I can and even called in favors of those even with the slightest access to Hollywood. Nada, zip, nothing.

Okay, I just realized I sort of made this all about me and my dreams that seem harder and harder to obtain. Sorry, it's a habit.

Yes, there are great movies today showcasing the trials and tribulations of today's teenagers. Juno leaps to mind. A brilliant story about a pregnant teenager who decides to give up her baby for adoption to a couple even though one isn't sure they are ready to be a parent. It was an original idea that had everyone scratching their head: who is this scriptwriter, Diablo Cody? She is someone, that all of us who live and breathe movies envy and admire, who actually broke through the thousand layers of lead that block the rest of us from getting our shot.

Many remakes have been produced and done well and I have enjoyed many. However, they are usually films from long ago that no one from my generation saw - mainly because they were never re-released on tape or we never heard of them before. Also, many were either poorly made at the time or soon forgotten but a good story was there that needed to be retold. Some movies are remade because the technology is so much better today for special effects but one movie that comes to mind that should never had been remade is Willy Wonka. Tim Burton, who I adore along with Johnny Depp, came out with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory a few years ago. Apparently, they kept the story closer to the book. However, I didn't like it. Willy Wonka was made in 1971 - I was 1 year-old but still watched that movie probably two dozen times, if not more, during my youth. I had no issue with watching an older movie with low-budget effects.

I just asked my 11 year-old son, who saw both movies, and he prefers Willy Wonka. Sure he liked the other one but Willy Wonka was just a great movie, with the best actor for the role that made an indelible connection with the audience. So, this leads me to remaking and who to play the classic roles. Gene Wilder was brilliant as Willy Wonka and will always be Willy Wonka for me. Johnny Depp, who I think is one of greatest actors today, did his best at trying to create his own version but it fell way short for me. Why? Well, Gene Wilder already embodied the character so well that there was no need to try and rework it. No reason - at all.

Well, I am done. There is nothing more I can say about this subject. I know I am not alone in this mode of thought, and I know I can't change anyone's mind in Hollywood to stop what they do. However, if Jason Reitman is listening, please consider what I said here today. Enjoy the table read but please leave The Breakfast Club as a John Hughes film - and allow us children of the 80's to never forget what was ours.

Don't you forget about us, please!!



Sincerely,

Katy Kern
Tired of Previews?

The EDGE Blog

What is EDGE?

That's a hell of a question.  Let's start with what it's not.

Justin Bieber is not edge.  No artist who ever admits in print that he wears women's jeans has edge.  To the best of my vast knowledge of pop culture, even Adam Lambert has kept that juicy secret to himself, his handlers and maybe Perez Hilton's housekeeper.  Fox News is not edge, neither is TMZ, Jay Z, or for that matter MS NBC.

Edge is found where hard thoughts are turned into sharp, shiny words... words filled with meaning and insight, and the power to cut through the shit of the day's trending topics.

This is EDGE.

One blog, written by a handful of the best authors, thinkers, poets, artists, people who make you laugh... and maybe cry.  About the news, about the world, and about our place in it.

This is the EDGE blog.