3 Posts, 333 Views

Just checking our stat machine and it looks wonderful.  3 posts, 333 views.  As I began to look a little deeper in to the meaning behind these numbers, there was something poking at me.  No, it was vibrating me.  It was a text message from the crazy neighbor.  I opened the message that asked "Are you home?"  I replied, "Yes.  I am.  Are you?"

Five minutes went by and I began to investigate the beef and broccoli that was simmering downstairs.   It smelled done, but suddenly crazy neighbor's reply arrived on my phone.  "Step outside in the hall for a sec."  I muttered out loud, "I gotta hear this one," as I left the kitchen and headed for the front door.  There was some Marley playing from the television, though I couldn't tell you what was on.

There she was.  In all her frumpy glory, our eyes all four an intense red-on-the-outside (for varying reasons) look, and she began to tell me a "hilarious pet story."  I stood there already trying to process the big news stories of the day, Occupy LA's deadline, Herman Cain's lover coming forward and Conrad Murray.  The cat lover began, "So this woman was driving over in Torrance and she saw a dog.  The dog was running, as if it was in a real bad situation and this woman really wanted to rescue it before anything bad happened.  So she went to the gas station and told two people - an elderly couple, that she needed their help.  They got in, she told them to close the door so she could explain the situation, and when they listened she began driving.  Obviously this is not what the couple signed up for."  So I asked, "Did you just say she kidnapped them?"  She said, "Yes, she did.  But it was for a reason and they drove past the dog one more time before she dropped the couple off.  Apparently, she was pissed because they would not help her get the dog that was in trouble.  After she dropped them off she went home, with the dog.  And today I heard she is going around her neighborhood telling everyone about her capers.  She would do anything to help a dog in trouble.  This is a person who truly loves pets."

"Well," I asked, "wwwwhat was she trying to prove?  And, who is this woman?"  She looked tired and affected, but I had to know more about this story that was not making any sense so I asked, "Was this story on the news, or is this someone that you know?"

She went on to tell me that this woman is her mom's neighbor.  Knowing this fact just made me more confused.

I stared at my neighbor for a few seconds, shrugged my shoulder and told her I had no idea how to react.  Not only was I not shocked by any of the details of her story, but there were several jagged edges and missing details.  She told me, "This is a story about a person who really cares for pets.  I thought you would appreciate that."

"Oh, and I do appreciate warm animal stories, I'm just not so sure this is a story about being a pet lover or a kidnapping senior citizen in Torrance," I said.

Her glazed eye balls strengthened their stance, she looked at me in my eyeballs and made yet another crazy point.  "When she was driving, the couple waved and said "HOLA!" in unison.  She thought it was fine and hoped they would help her out of her problem."

Say what?

I went back inside to eat the beef and broccoli and try to figure out why this woman would text me to tell me a story that makes absolutely no sense.  It was also fun to ad lib, and re-tell the story with different endings, but the actual version, as printed here, proved stronger and ultimately more confusing than anything I came up with.

My First Edge Post: An Angry NBAer Exclusive

Well, some of you know me, and most of you do not.  And that is a good thing because before you know it we will be friends or make contact one way or another.  It's always been that way for me and as long as I'm hurling through space and time I figure it is never a bad idea to check out what is going on around me.

As a blogger and lover of NBA basketball, the latter portion of 2011 will be challenging.  It's my routine  to discuss all things basketball and I'm already a few weeks past.  Rather I WOULD be late if I had something to really write on the matter.  Ok, I'll try.  Here goes:  It's now November 22nd and I have no fucking clue who is on the L.A. Clippers' roster, most likely it's a product of these gigantic pussy-ass bitches not being able to come together on a compensation package or some such nonsense.  Owners and players don't see eye-to-eye on how to divide the loot.  Sorry, water from my eyes is splashing down on my keyboard and I am having trouble transcribing my thoughts.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact I have not watching an NHL game since 2004.  I just don't want this to be the case with the NBA, and it probably would was it not for the fact that fantasy basketball is the next best thing to a sexual fantasy.  Also, I haven't enjoyed hockey since Tiger Williams (the REAL Tiger) retired.

And if I didn't hate the Lakers enough, all the players are represented by Derek Fisher.  This must end.

Should the players give in to the evil owner's demands?  Hell fucking no, even the NHL players get 54%.  But I would like to note that from the fan's perspective, these fools are fighting for all the wrong reasons.  What they should be fighting over is a shorter season.  Make every game, then you got me on the front line rallying for you.  The problem extends through various levels of selfish, none of this, mind you, sends a message of appreciation for the fans who have funded this mess over the years.  82 games is a staggering amount, it's BASEBALL that has a significant statistical history, so stop Jason Kidding yourselves.  Speaking of, take the triple-double statistic.  While watching a performer go off the handle, in various different categories, is awesome to watch and propels a fantasy team into motion.  But in no way is the career-leader of such a feat in the same universe as a steroid-inflated home-run record.  Each night is a new night of magic in the NBA, and this far out-shadows a career tally.  No matter how awesome Jordan was, or Kobe is, they will never reach Kareem in all-time scoring.  Never.  My point is, the fans are alienated already, and squabbling over $millions$ (billions) of revenue without doing something that will ultimately change the landscape for the better FOR THE FAN is a dreadful act that leaves NBAers like me in dire straights.  There, I did it without even mentioning our economy or 2012.



Joseph M.